Only after a few months of becoming a new bride I sat and thought one day about how my period was maybe a little too late. I didn't put much stock into it because I had always had very irregular periods growing up.
Then 3 or 4 months ago, I miscarried again, and this time I knew what the back pain, the blood, and the tissue meant. I felt pain deeper than I ever knew existed. The very life I was supposed to nurture, was rejected by my body. I blamed myself for being a bad mother, and I looked at God asking why. I am a baby Christian; and even though I had grown up in a Christian home learning about God, I didn't know Him and the freedom He offers until about 2 years ago. And now when I needed Him most, I pushed His wisdom aside and didn't want to hear; because I knew what was best for me and my baby. Others tried to tell me that I being was selfish, or that I just had to get over it. And I would go home and sob and sob, because something was wrong with me that I couldn't just let it go. I blamed myself.
When I was at my darkest hour, God in His grace, showed me His love, His justness, and His mercy. As I was beating myself up for not being good enough to take care of my baby I realized that I was just that; a sinful enemy of God.....before! Before I believed that Jesus took away my sins on the cross! Before He had washed them away with His own physical blood. Before He sanctified me with the sacrifice of His life!
Then it dawned on me, my hope. I could continue to mourn my baby and have sorrow because of the life I could have had or I could rejoice in the life that I do have because of Jesus. I am a new creature going heaven one day to be with my Savior, for all eternity. And even better news, my babes are already there, seeing Jesus in His glory! The same man that told the little children to come to Him, is with my babies in glory. I have a hope!
Now that doesn't mean that I never feel sadness for those children that I held for such a brief moment in time. But my grief will never again outweigh my joy. This is why Jesus died on the cross, to give us life and life eternal! You can have hope too! No matter what you are going through, no matter how far God feels to you, He has already given you a finished work! A Cornerstone that gives you hope for a new morning in eternity with Him and our family; young, old and in between! All you have to do is take Him at His word! Trust that He will fulfill that hope and it is already done!
You may ask, so you aren't afraid to tell people you are expecting when you are so early in your pregnancy? My answer is wholeheartedly NO! I don't have fear for tomorrow, or the next day, or the next. I know that with Christ I am a conqueror when I rest in His promise. I won't ever be overwhelmed in grief again because I know that Christ lives and I will live with Him in His glory one day! Join me today in knowing this rest for yourself! This isn't religion, this is just taking God at His word. Don't wait another minute to find that peace that you have so long been looking for! Trust Jesus!
"But God commendeth His love towards us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement." Romans 5:1 & 11
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Nay in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, more things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Romans 8:35, & 37-39
Thanks for reading my little story, please share with those you know who need the peace and joy that only Christ can provide! I hope you stay posted to see how how the rest of the story goes!